I Salute You- Ms. I-Have-Nothing-Better-To-Do-So-I'll-Become-The-Office-Nazi-Administrative-Manager

I know my plight isn't unique, but I am constantly amused at how easy it is for me to set this woman ablaze. Whether it's because I'm too prodigal w/ the office supplies, or I've moved the color-coded chair away from its color-coded table-mate, I continually receive stern words, long sighs, and other unpleasantries quite often as if I somehow didn't manage to graduate kindergarten.

Below is some advice on how NOT to be targeted by your local Office Nazi. Not all have been experienced at my current company nor am I describing one individual in particular.

1. DO NOT for any reason move, rearrange or post any furniture or signs w/o first clearing it w/ said Office Nazi.

2. If you fail #1, and an item shows up on a board or a chair is not back in its proper spot, an APB will be sent out in attempts to find the guilty culprit and the emails will become more severe in nature and downright threatening if you do not confess.

3. DO NOT remove the signs that say "DO NOT MOVE FURNITURE" off work tables when meeting with clients in order to make it look more "professional" because you will fail to put the sign back and THEN #2 happens.

4. DO NOT hire the "Flying Pancake Man" to come in and throw Pancakes at your co-workers for breakfast. While this helps boost office morale, Pancake Man must bring a propane tank into the premises and that violates all kinds of code which will send Office Nazi into such a tailspin, her head might fall off. Furthermore, she will reduce the guilty party for hiring said Pancake Man to tears for being so ludicrous to believe this would actually be permissible.

5. If you dismiss #4, then by all means, DO NOT allow syrup to fall on the floor and stain new carpet.

6. Despite rows of parking spaces, DO NOT allow anyone to enter through the side door. This is an "exit only" door. It doesn't matter if there's a tornado or blizzard outside, if you're foolish enough to park on the side of the building, you must walk around instead of having a co-worker let you in. DO NOT take mercy on the poor souls outside, because if you are caught opening the door, you will be verbally reprimanded by Office Nazi and a nasty email will be sent to your director.

7. DO NOT allow your associates to wear jeans despite 2 feet of snow outside unless it has been cleared by Corporate HR. Failure to do so will result in Office Nazi making the call for you at which point you must revoke the privilege because "Not every business unit has the ability to make such allowances."

8. DO NOT place files, folders, trophies, memorabilia etc on top of workstations. The Night Crew needs to be able to dust this area and it needs to remain clear.-- The only allowable item is the inch of dust that has accrued because the Night Crew has never cleaned up there.

9. DO NOT switch chairs with a coworker unless the color scheme of their workstation matches yours. At no time is office furniture to be "mismatched."

Also, DO NOT misplace, break, steal, or otherwise dispose of coordinating soap dispensers from bathrooms. There must be 4 at all times and these have been purchased with sensitivity and care. Treat them as if you are lucky to have soap.

10. DO NOT accidentally flush your ID badge down the toilet. Otherwise, you will have to alert Office Nazi and she will send an email to corporate security beginning with, " Erin M--- Employee #### has DESTROYED her ID badge...."

11. IT IS IRRELEVANT that Office Nazi has no bearing on your performance, promotability, or earning potential-- she can make your life hell just the same.