Park the Car Ya Old Bag

It's funny, I'm the one in the family who has the reputation of being blunt, overly candid, and at times, inappropriately outspoken. The above statement however, did not come from my lips, but that of my sensitive, mild-mannered older brother, who is also the favorite. Who on earth would he say this to you ask? Why the Queen Supreme, Lady Margaret, aka my mother.

We took a family trip to Oglebay Park where we all reunited to celebrate my father by spreading his ashes where he grew up as a child. On the first night there, we decided to go up to the lodge and have the children burn up some energy in the indoor pool. My mother and sister drove separately while the kids, Matt, Julie and myself piled into the "Sport Van." (Keep in mind Sport Van = Mini Van.) As we pull into the parking lot, we see my mother's car up ahead stopped in the aisle, right across from the entrance. This is a PREMIUM parking spot. My brother, in his ultimate orneriness, sped up and crouched right up on my mom's bumper. We see this beautiful parking spot we assume my mother is trying to take. But she's not, she's just sitting there. After about 15 seconds, Matt rolls down the window and shouts, "Park the car you old bag!" Assuming my mom knew he was behind her. With that my mom sped off. I chastised my brother saying there's a special spot in hell for children who call their mothers old bags and make them pass up a good parking spots. He argued that wasn't what he was trying to do, and that Mags is just so kind-hearted, she realized that Matt has 3 kids, a slew of toys and gave up the parking spot out of consideration and love for her family.

Fast forward 3 hrs later. We have all had a round in the pool, the kids are tired, and it's time to head back to the cabin. My mother has sat on a chair holding Maggie and staring off into space at times and then staring straight ahead at this man from across the pool. She is not smiling. My mother is not a vain woman, but her Achilles heel is age. She will forever be perfectly coiffed, nails painted and immaculately dressed until her last breath. Never a grandma but "Nana" b/c it sounds less old. If you ever want to insult her just call her old and sit back and watch the rage.

So my brother while drying off, casually says to my mom, "Hey thanks for giving me that parking spot, I didn't mean to make you do that." With that, my mother's legs came uncrossed and she stood straight up and said, "That was you!?" She was incredulous, shocked and speechless. My brother, also surprised, asked, "Well who do you think it was? Didn't you see the red sport van w/ your smiling son and daughter sitting in the front seat?" We are all laughing now, as my mom said no, she didn't realize it was us and had been spending the entire evening thinking it was the man sitting on the other side of the pool. She was indignant that a stranger would say something like that to her especially at a place like Oglebay and pondered how he would've been able to see if she was "old" since she was in her car and shout came from behind her! It ruined her evening!

We continued to laugh and she explained the reason she sped off is because she overshot the parking space and was trying to reverse to get into it. Since my brother had come up so close behind her, she was unable to do so, and thus could not park the car.

We reassured my mother, advising her that she indeed was not, nor ever will be an old bag... But it does make you wonder how she didn't see her smiling children in the rear view mirror....